Name It to Tame It: How to Help Your Child Manage Their Emotions

Parent using the Name It to Tame It technique to calm their child. Now the dad can hold her in peace.

2024, Child Development, Education, Parenting, Whole-Brain Parenting

August 19, 2024

Name It to Tame It: How to Help Your Child Manage Their Emotions

When it comes to whole-brain parenting, the Name It to Tame It technique is a game-changer. It’s a simple yet powerful way to help your child manage those big emotions that can sometimes feel overwhelming. By just naming what your child is feeling, you can help them calm down and understand their emotions better. Let’s dive into how you can use Name It to Tame It to make those tough moments a little easier.

In-home newborn photography session highlighting the bond between mother and baby, as they navigate emotions together in a calm, supportive environment.

Why Naming Emotions Matters

Kids have big feelings, and sometimes, those feelings can get the best of them. They might not always have the words to explain what they’re going through, which can lead to tantrums, tears, or frustration. That’s where Name It to Tame It comes in handy.

When your child can put a name to their emotions, they’re actually engaging both sides of their brain. The emotional side (the right brain) is feeling all the intensity, while the logical side (the left brain) helps make sense of it. By naming the emotion, you’re helping your child balance those big feelings and start to regain control.

Name It To Tame It Basics: Left vs. Right and Upper vs. Lower

To really get why Name It to Tame It works, it helps to know a bit about how your child’s brain works. Don’t worry—I’ll keep it simple!

Left Brain vs. Right Brain

The left side of the brain is all about logic, language, and problem-solving. The right side is more about emotions, creativity, and intuition. When your child is overwhelmed with feelings, the right brain tends to take over, which makes it hard for them to think logically.

Upper Brain vs. Lower Brain

The upper brain (the thinking part) is responsible for reasoning, decision-making, and self-control. The lower brain (the feeling part) handles basic instincts and strong emotions like fear and anger. During a meltdown, the lower brain takes over, which is why it’s so tough for your child to calm down on their own.

When you help your child name their emotions, you’re essentially helping to connect their emotional brain with their logical brain, making it easier for them to calm down and think things through.

How to Use the “Name It to Tame It” Technique

Here’s how you can put Name It to Tame It into action:

Observe and Name the Emotion: Start by noticing what your child is feeling. Are they angry, sad, scared, or frustrated? Pay attention to their expressions, body language, and tone of voice. For example, if they’re frowning and clenching their fists, you might say, “It looks like you’re feeling angry.”

Acknowledge and Validate: After you have recognized the emotion, express it verbally. For instance, you could say, “It seems like you’re feeling very frustrated because things didn’t go as you expected.” This lets your child know that it’s okay for them to feel the emotions they’re feeling.

Encourage Expression: Invite your child to talk more about what’s going on. You could say “Can you tell me more about why you’re feeling this way?” or “What made you feel sad?” This helps them process their emotions and feel more in control.

Help Them Process: After your child has talked about their feelings, help them think through what happened. Discuss what triggered the emotion and brainstorm ways to handle similar situations next time. For instance, you might say, “Next time, when you start feeling angry, what can we do to help you calm down?”

Practical Examples of “Name It to Tame It”

Here are different strategies for applying the Name It to Tame It technique.

Dealing with Anger: If your child is angry because they have to stop playing and come inside, you might say, “You seem really angry because you wanted to keep playing outside.” This helps them recognize and name their anger, which is the first step toward calming down.

Handling Disappointment: If your child is disappointed because a playdate was canceled, you could say, “It sounds like you’re really disappointed because you were looking forward to seeing your friend.” By naming the disappointment, you help your child accept the feeling and start to move past it.

Managing Fear: If your child is scared about going to the doctor, you might say, “You seem scared because you’re worried about what will happen at the doctor’s office.” Naming the fear helps your child feel understood and can reduce their anxiety.

Why “Name It to Tame It” Works

So, why does this technique work so well? It’s because Name It to Tame It helps connect the emotional and logical parts of the brain. When your child is caught up in strong emotions, their right brain is usually in charge. By naming the emotion, you’re helping to activate the left brain, which brings balance and helps them regain control.

It Builds Emotional Awareness

Naming emotions helps kids become more aware of their feelings, which is key for developing emotional intelligence.

It Promotes Emotional Regulation

When kids can identify and name their emotions, they’re better able to manage them. This means fewer meltdowns and more thoughtful responses.

It Enhances Communication

Encouraging your child to talk about their feelings improves their communication skills, which strengthens your relationship.

Positive Parenting Solutions is a great resource if you are looking for additional strategies to help your child manage their emotions.

Step-by-Step Guide to “Name It to Tame It”


Step 1: Observe and Name the Emotion

Notice what your child is feeling and name it. For example, if they’re clenching their fists and frowning, you might say, “It looks like you’re feeling angry.”

Step 2: Acknowledge and Validate

Let your child know it’s okay to feel the way they do. “I understand that you’re angry because you wanted to keep playing. It’s okay to feel that way.”

Step 3: Encourage Expression

Ask your child to tell you more about what they’re feeling. “Can you tell me what made you feel so angry?”

Step 4: Help Them Process

Talk about what happened and how they can handle similar situations in the future. “Next time, maybe we can set a timer so you know when it’s almost time to stop playing.”

Name To Tame It | A Real-Life Example | The Fear of the Dark

Scenario: Your child is afraid to go to bed because they’re scared of the dark.

Step 1: Name the Emotion

“It seems like you’re feeling scared because it’s dark in your room.”

Step 2: Acknowledge and Validate:

“It’s okay to feel scared sometimes. The dark can be a little unsettling.”

Step 3: Encourage Expression:

“Can you tell me what about the dark makes you feel scared?”

Step 4: Help Them Process:

“How about we leave a nightlight on, so it’s not so dark? That way, you can feel more comfortable.”

FAQ: Understanding the “Name It to Tame It” Technique

Q: What is the “Name It to Tame It” technique?
A: The “Name It to Tame It” technique is a whole-brain parenting strategy that involves helping your child manage emotions by naming what they’re feeling. By identifying and naming their emotions, your child can calm down and begin to process their feelings more logically.

Q: How does naming emotions help my child?
A: When your child names their emotions, it activates both the emotional and logical parts of the brain. This helps balance their feelings, making it easier for them to calm down and think clearly.

Q: At what age can I start using “Name It to Tame It” with my child?
A: You can start using this technique as soon as your child begins to express emotions, even in their early toddler years. Simple phrases like “You’re feeling sad” or “That made you angry” can help even very young children start to recognize and name their feelings.

Q: What if my child can’t name their emotions yet?
A: If your child is too young or overwhelmed to name their emotions, you can help by offering gentle suggestions. For example, you might say, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because your toy isn’t working.” This helps them start to connect words with their feelings.

Q: Can this technique help reduce tantrums?
A: Yes, by helping your child name their emotions, you can often reduce the intensity and duration of tantrums. When children feel understood, they are more likely to calm down and be open to problem-solving.

Q: How can I encourage my child to talk about their feelings?
A: Encourage your child to express their emotions by asking open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about what’s making you feel this way?” or “What happened that made you feel upset?” This invites them to share more about their feelings.

Conclusion

Naming emotions is a simple but powerful way to help your child manage their feelings. By using the Name It to Tame It technique, you’re helping them understand and control their emotions, which leads to stronger emotional intelligence and a closer relationship with you. The more you practice this technique, the more confident your child will become in handling their emotions, leading to a happier, more peaceful home.

Stay tuned for my next post, where we’ll explore how physical movement can help reset your child’s emotional state and bring calm to chaotic moments.

Leah Parks, owner of Nightingale and Willow Photography, brings a unique perspective as a neurodivergent, autistic photographer. Leah specializes in Family and In-Home Newborn Photography and is based in Westfield, a suburb of Indianapolis. She also offers destination photography, helping clients capture special moments in beautiful locations. Her services include maternity sessions, mini-sessions, and family portraits. Leah is passionate about creating meaningful and authentic memories for each family she works with.

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